Its April...

  Its April.  April is definitely NOT my favorite month.  Not that I have anything against any particular month on the calendar, it is just that April has this way of gifting things that I do not wish to have. April on the Bayou means a lot of things but three of the most irritating events occur during that month.  The first of April means that I have to start doing the "Grasshopper Stomp" which is a "dance" that the kids named when they were young.  I used to gather all three of my kids and any others that happened to be visiting into a dance festival in the yard.  There, they could stomp all of the Eastern Lubber Grasshoppers that they could find.  The "Grasshopper Stomp" became an annual event as well as a necessity.  Those critters have a tendency to take over the place if allowed.  During late summer, each female lays about a bazillion eggs (actually, about 250 but when you are stomping them it seems much more.) that overwinter underground.  Then comes the warm sunshine of April and those eggs incubate and hatch. The entire ground turns a rust color for a few hours before turning black.  At this stage, the critters are relatively easy to kill as they tend to congregate in mounds. After a few days, however, they all go their separate ways and it is hard to find them.  Then, a few days later, they become munching machines and can strip a garden in a day. It is sad that nothing eats these grasshoppers as they are toxic.  I can only imagine the mess I would be in if I did not at least attempt to eradicate a whole slew of them during their hatching stage.  There would nary be a green leaf left in the yard.  These critters get to a hefty size of about three to four inches in length and keep right on munching throughout the entire summer.  It is not good.  April brings some bad things.

  As I mentioned, there are THREE irritating events that April brings.  The second is gnats.  Gnats make their itchy presence known as soon as the weather warms but are hugely noticeable in April.  These critters bite until you feel like you are on fire!  There is not a good time to be outside even for a few moments if it is a calm day.  We always hope for wind.  A lovely, stiff breeze of about 15 mph is desired for its cooling and for its ability to blow the gnats into the next county.  Bad thing...there are not a lot of repellents that work on gnats.  Smoke is about the only thing that rids the air of the critters so "smudgepots" are a must on the Bayou.  Then with the smudgepots burning, you just have to choke your way through the day....BUT!...the gnats are not there to bite....except if you exit the thick, black, cough-inducing, breath-stifling, choking smoke of the smudgepots. 

  The third menace to plague the Bayou during April is termites.  Yep.  April is termite swarming month so just about evening time, everyone has to hustle inside, draw the drapes, turn off the lights and hope for the best.  While these critters are not as "bitey" as the gnats, they do cause problems.  Not only will they quite literally eat you out of house and home because they do quite literally eat your house and home, when they swarm they are everywhere.  Termites are not choosy about where they land when they swarm.  They sort of flop about in the air all the while bumping into each other.  That misguided flight pattern does them no good until they spy a light source.  Then they hone in on it and make a beeline toward it.  If that light source is a house, the termites squeeze through any opening they can find to swarm inside.  Swarming inside means that they now bump into everything inside the house....humans and pets included.  The critters are on beds, sofas, tables, in the refrigerator, in the toilet, on the ceiling, on the floor, on the walls AND in your hair.  Ugh!  Light fixtures become darkened with their dead bodies, foodstuffs can become infiltrated and drinks are dotted with floating termites that try to swim in your sweet tea.  They are nasty. They are wood-munching terrors.  They eat houses.  Enough said.  At least the frogs and lizards are fat.

  So, it is no wonder that while everyone else looks forward to April as it heralds in spring, I abhor the critters it brings.  The Bayou has enough critters that I do not need them swarming all over the place.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that just about every third year, we get midges....swarms of midges...so many midges that the Little Bayou House has to remain darkened during those swarms, as well.  At times, the windows are so covered on the outside that you cannot tell whether it is daytime or nighttime. Thankfully, they do not bite, do not eat my garden and have yet to take a bite out of the Little Bayou House!  Out of the FOUR Horrors of April, midges are the least annoying.

  Come to think about it, this is that "third" year.  I guess I had better soon start noticing if I need to draw the curtains closed and douse the lights.  Ugh!  April, why can't you play nice???  Living on the Bayou ain't for the squeamish, that's for sure.