All bark and no bite! (But still dangerous!)

Ezzy, the mutt, is one of those dogs that cannot figure out just what she is supposed to be. One day she can behave as nice as anything and then she does something so...so...doglike until it is not funny. Lately though, she has been hurting me in one way or another. Not that she intentionally tries to hurt me, it is more like she somehow makes me hurt myself. A few months ago, Ms. Ez knocked me off the steps and caused a severe injury to my knee. It is still not healed..she obviously did a really good job! I still hobble around like a peg-legged pirate! Today, she was at it again and tonight, I am bearing a new injury.

I had let her out to do her business just as I do every morning. I admit that I was a bit late in doing so but she looked so comfortable on her cozy bed that I hated to disturb her. So it was nigh onto noon before she roused enough to make the exit into the yard. I opened the door and she ran down the hill to her "bathroom". Thinking that I would have plenty of time, I made a dash to the kitchen to stir the pot of soup that was simmering on the stove. This only required about three minutes and I was back at the door to let her inside again..only there was no Ezzy. She had disappeared! I was not unduly worried as there is enough property here to keep her from ever running the risk of getting in the roadway but still, I wondered where she was. I slowly made my way down the boardpath calling her name. Finally, I saw her! Oh....ugh! She was rolling in the mud..the stinky, icky mud. Well, she was not heading back inside my house! When she saw me, she sheepishly made a dash around the side of the house. Ezzy quite knew the rules and those rules did not include any "must roll in the mud". I called and called until she came back around the side of the house. This called for a time out in the dog pen! She would be jailed until she received a bath! I opened the gate, she bolted into the pen hitting the gate on the way. At the same time, I (being barefooted) stepped on something sharp! This would have been bad enough......but...I instinctively bent over to examine the foot at the same time the gate swung back in place! WHAM! OUCH! I smacked my forehead on the corner of the wooden gate! OWWWWW! Now that smarted to say the least! I reeled backwards and almost took another tumble. My hand went to my throbbing head..uh oh..blood! BLOOD??? Oh, my! I slammed the gate closed, affixed the latch and hurried inside to investigate the source of the bleeding. I stared in the mirror at the biggest goose-egg of a lump growing on my forehead. In the middle was a nice size gash of about two inches in length. It was sort of spewing blood in little streams down over my right eye. Now this was not fun at all!

Now a good five hours later, the lump is still the size of a lemon and is still sore to touch. The gash has scabbed over but threatens to start bleeding again with every yawn, grin or grimace. I look as if I have been in the biggest melee ever! The head hurts with every movement and I am quite sure that tomorrow will see me with a huge bruise. Ms. Ez? She spent the afternoon in the dog pen. She still has not received that bath but after wallowing in the mulch, she seems to have cleaned herself. And..she has not got a clue that she is the source of so much pain for me! My poor aching head! OUCH!