Poop on a stick

  Well, now that does not sound to very pleasant!  Poop on a stick...ewww!  Actually, that is the literal name of mistletoe.  The word comes from the Anglo-Saxon word mistiltane which basically means dung on a twig.  Yep, that stuff we kiss under come Christmastime has a lovely name, dung on a stick! All of this makes you wonder why? Why name a plant "poop on a stick"?  Why kiss under something that sounds so disgusting?  And most importantly, why am I writing all of this? Well, that is the whole point.  We shall delve into this matter a bit further!  Come on now, I know you are so excited!

  First the reason I am loading your brain with the mystical lore of mistletoe is simply because a huge chunk of it fell from the oak tree next to the house.  The strong winds of the recent cold front snapped a bundle of the plant from the limbs and plopped it right on the front steps.  When I tried to let Ms. Ez, the Bayou Dog, out to do her business, the mound of mistletoe muddled her mind.  She immediately started barking at the heap.  "Oh, my!  Something is amiss here, my friend!" she seemed to be saying.  So, out in the rain I went to retrieve the massive hunk of mistletoe.  She, then, happily trotted down the hillside leaving me to ponder the ways of the mistletoe legends.

  The "poop on a stick" came about as I tried to explain to Michael how the stuff got its name.  Once I told him the literal meaning of mistiltane, he dubbed the stuff "poop on a stick" and not dung on a twig.  The name has several good reasons behind it, though.  One the white berries do, indeed, look a lot like bird poop if squished.  I suppose some old chap back in Old England might have seen this and told his child to watch out for the dung on the twig. (Makes sense, right?) Anyway, the more scientific reason is that the mistletoe berries are eaten by birds who then fly to rest on a branch.  They digest their food and poop.  If by chance a seed that has passed through the bird hits a branch and becomes lodged, a new plant forms.  Hence, poop on a branch.

  Why do we kiss under such a vile-named plant at Christmastime? Well, that goes a long way back as well.  Those Anglo-Saxons were at it again.  They tied the stuff to the legend of Freya, the goddess of love, beauty and fertility.  If a maiden was found standing unawares under a sprig of mistletoe, a man had to kiss her. Later, it became a custom for couples to kiss under the stuff to declare their love for one another. During the holidays, each couple who kissed had to pick off a berry. Once the sprig was bare, NO MORE KISSES!  After the holidays, the branch was burned to ensure the marriage of the couples.  If a maiden went unkissed, she was bound to remain unwed for the next year. I can only imagine that the unkissed lass declared the stuff to be "just poop on a stick anyway!"

  So, you see, this was all important!  My huge mass of mistletoe, the regrettable name of said plant and the custom of embracing beneath a sprig of it, all were here just to let you know that the oak tree is full of the parasitic plant.  Which in itself is pretty magical!  According to legend, only the mistletoe that grows in oak trees has any power whatsoever!  See!  I do have a massive mound of magical, mystical mistletoe!  (Not to be confused with poop on a stick!)