It has been a hard few days. In life, we have to face many things that we wish would not occur. This has defined the way of life here on the Bayou for a while now. The hardness culminated on this past Sunday morning. I got the phone call that no one ever wants to receive. My brother had ended his struggle. He was free now but the pain was not over for the rest of us left here on Earth.
For the past few years, my oldest brother has struggled, suffered and then gave into the horribleness of Alzheimer's Disease. The first few years were not bad. He had bouts of memory loss. He dealt with it admirably. Then, as the disease progressed, his personality changed from a loving, happy person to one that was fraught with confusion and frustration. This was when it was becoming clear to him that something was not right but denial set in to the point that he refused help. Finally, there was nothing left to do but intervene. He had fought the valiant fight of independence but now had to submit to receiving help.
Once intervention came in the way of my other brother stepping in and taking over the caregiving role, things were somewhat better. Tommy became more relaxed. He knew he was no longer alone in his battle. He knew that he would not become a burden on his (very ill) daughter which I think was adding to the war going on in his mind. While the uncertainty of his day to day life was still there, the final destination was clearer. There were days of complete oblivion and then days of perfect lucidness at the beginning. Those clear days were soon to become far and few between. For the past year, he became more and more dependent upon Jimmy's goodness for simple survival. We were truly blessed to have Anna step in to aid Jimmy. She has been a godsend to this family more than once.
This past week has seen the decline come with a rapidity that no one expected. I am so blessed to be next door so I was able to see Tommy on Friday. He was still able to be guided on short walks outside. He and Jimmy brought my mail! Out of the clear blue, he said "I love you." and he, by way of a gentle hand on my back, insisted I tell Jimmy the same. But, of course! I am so thankful that our family has always been very verbal about our love for one another but this was touching. Jimmy whispered to me that those were the only clear words Tommy had said all day. After they left, I went inside and had a good cry...one of thankfulness. Later that evening, the disease took a powerful grip and the pull was too much. Then, within hours, that grip became a strangling hold. Tommy fought a hard battle with Jimmy and Anna by his side. In the wee hours of Sunday morning, the disease had won the battle but Tommy had gained the prize. On Sunday morning, his struggle left had he retained a peace like no other. He is free. Our hearts are broken because we can only see our loss.
After receiving the heartbreaking phone call from next door, I sought out my peaceful place...the Bayou. Here, I could release my feelings. The sun was rising over the pines and sent a glorious array of colors. While I meandered the marsh line, I marveled at the scene set before me and knew this was a sign. This was Tommy's Sunrise! This was the way he looked at things. New beginnings. New adventures. He had pushed so many of his students (as a teacher and coach) to reach their goals and now he had reached his. This made me praise the morn and awakenings.
I am asking one thing of my reading audience. If you find it within your heart, please pray for all patients with dementia of any form. Alzheimer's Disease is horrible. It is so wretched on the person and, thus, their caregivers. Also, I ask for prayers for my beautiful niece (Tommy's daughter) as she faces her own health battles. She is very precious to me.
If you have taken the time to read this far into such a dismal post, I thank you and leave you with this bit of advice. Folks, be kind to all as you never know their inner battles. Patience, love and kindness are so desperately needed in this day and age. Offer the helping hand, the shoulder to lean on or simple a gentle smile. Peace be with you.
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